Take full responsibility for your self care
When you board a plane, a flight attendant will provide some good advice: in the event of an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first, before you try to help anyone else.
Divorce can feel like a bit of an emergency, and the flight attendant’s advice might be helpful to remember. Put the oxygen mask on! You can’t care for anyone or anything if you aren’t taking care of yourself.
Divorce is your cue to take full responsibility for your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing. No one else is going to do it for you. Commit to taking full responsibility for yourself. Pay attention to diet, exercise, and rest. Create new healthy habits. Nix the habits that haven’t served you. Find the right support group. Hire a coach to hold you accountable as you commit to the selfcare that is right for you.
If you commit to your own wellbeing, your experience in the divorce process will be an easier one. You will make a better advocate for yourself when you are clear on your goals and calm in your demeanor. If you have to interface with lawyers or the court system, presenting in a grounded and positive way will bolster your credibility making positive outcomes more likely in a shorter amount of time.
The alternatives to taking full responsibility for your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing are plentiful, and they will all leave you stuck. You can play victim, hero, or martyr. You can blame yourself or your ex-partner for your trouble. Those strategies fuel anger, fear, and shame; not the ideal emotions when it’s time to make tough decisions in divorce.
People hijacked by negative emotions show up on court dockets over and over again, sometimes for years. They fuel a divorce industry that isn’t very well equipped to help them with their misery. Don’t let that be you!
Reject the cultural baggage around divorce. It’s not a failure. Divorce is an opportunity for learning and growth. Take responsibility for your selfcare and build a life worth living. Divorce might be the healthiest think you can do for you and those you love.
JIM SIEMENS
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